worn me down like a road.

dear me,

i think i might snap and say it all.

signed,
a very uncharacteristic side of me.




re: hello me,

keep your mouth shut
keep your mouth shut
keep your mouth shut.

-me.





i'm officially in love with a fictional character,
this could be a problem.

"hot damn"




find a way to be okay with not being anywhere at all.

(i want a contrast)



"but it felt so real"



never what i want
never what i expect
never what i think i need

well, apparently i was wrong.






i'm leaving this very unfinished.

caught in suspension

This Week's Playlist:
Elephant - Damien Rice
Do You Know (Ping Pong Song) - Enrique Iglesias
All The Fish In the Sea Are Stupid Sluts Anyway - Big Japan
Stay or Leave - Dave Matthews

wishing on 11:11 is more for the sole purpose of solidifying what you want in your own mind than actually expecting an outcome to be determined by a simple act of muttering a few words during an interval of 60 seconds.
parallel: santa clause is not real, sorry to burst your bubble. however, i still continue to lay out cookies and milk and carrots (for the reindeer) every christmas eve just for the sake of it. and possibly just for the satisfaction of knowing that my parents will have to eat them even if they don't want to because yes i will check for crumbs in the milk and count the fricken cookies in the jar if i have to.
why do my parallels always turn into a rant rather than make the point i originally intended them to make..

"i keep this as a constant reminder"
wow, those constant reminders tend to kick you in the ass on your way out the door if you know what i mean
why is it that we can never even begin to notice we're making a mistake until a long time after the fact

this was supposed to be a bit simpler than it's turning out to be
space
little details should not have this much impact
needing an outlet here, really

everything can get turned around by one simple action
i need to want something on my own, not have things pushed at me by my parents or anyone else
or, sometimes if i do want something, and then my parents try to push it at me..all of a sudden it's not so appealing anymore, in fact.. i downright want to get as far away from set idea as is physically possible,
kind of ruins it if you have something good going on

i hate the fact that all i'm doing is complaining,
and i've been trying my hardest to just overlook stuff that's going on inside this head of mine,
but i'm definitely missing that one joker card that trumps everything else,
..it would seriously come in handy right about now

university topic: co-ed floors, including co-ed bathrooms
thoughts, people?
you had better hope your towel doesn't slip on the way out

revelation:
i need to get a boyfriend or a new pair of heels,
either will do.

it's always the same.

invincible, or something like that.

patience.
follow-through.

"God, what's his face? Built like a beanpole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on a sailboat leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried and cried over him till the Fourth of July when she decided she doesn't cry over bitches on boats."
"Seth. His name. It's Seth."
"I know. I'm just doing that thing where I pretend I don't and I have to use a lot of descriptive insults to give voice to my inner pain."

sometimes catching someone's eye is the worst thing that can happen.
either they give you this look that you read way too much into,
or they try to convey something through that one look, and only on the rare occasion do you actually interpret it correctly.
guessing is fun, no?
no.

sometimes you just have to stop thinking.
and when i say you i mean me.
because that's really all i'm doing here.. trying to make things visual for myself
so here's to what i've been trying to do for so long..
stop thinking.
here comes an attempt to just leave it behind and take some chances.
i have a feeling this isn't going to work out so well..
that's kind of what i'm going for.

all it is is reassurance afterall.

i need some meaning i can memorize.

first off:
i don't believe in capital punishment.
and i can't quite get my brain around how anyone could think that they have the right to decide the fate of someone's life.
we all have equal status, although that seems to be something that's generally misunderstood,
and how could anyone other than God even consider themselves to have the authority to make such an important decision as to whether a person will live or die?
all they are doing is taking away opportunity.


breathe.


ever just have one of those days where it seems like everything is going wrong?
when in reality so many things are working out in your favor,
but there's that one thing that's on your mind that just doesn't seem to be happening,
so you feel like the world is out to get you..
and then you burn your lunch and you make it into such a big deal that you could swear that the national guard would need to be called or something..
i really really hate being in that frame of mind.

and usually i like that one minute,
and lately i feel like the clock is just mocking me.
kind of feels like just a subconscious thing now,
but this wasn't supposed to happen to me too.
what's a (non-overused) synonym for damn?

the realization that you can't fix everything is inevitable,
at some point you just need to accept the fact that all you can do is
be there
listen
and occasionally listen to some death cab.



"it's ryan vs. seth"
-jv
in case everyone hasn't realized..
our lives are the oc,
more than /any/ of you may realize..

i drew a line

I want you to tell me.

I want to lay outside on my roof in the rain.

I want to find that spark again.

I want to admit to something I never thought I'd say out loud.

I want to be determined that I am not going to settle.

I want to win the competition coming up.

I want to watch the sunrise, and know that it is enough.

I want to jump in the pool with all my clothes on at midnight.

I want to see the ocean from the window of a plane.

it's flawless.